My GF doesn't understand. At first she was really pssed that I was spending so much time on the computer. She was sure I was looking at porn. Then when she found out i wasn't, she was even MORE pissed. It wasn't like we were doing that well anyway ( camera pans from the screen to a very frustrated hottie- no, an average nice looking woman gotten ready for bed, but still frustrated.) She wanted to know what on earth was more interesting than she was.
Well, honestly, nothing is. In fact, I'll be signing off now.
(Cut to another character)
(And then back. Girlfriend is asleep and character is back at the keyboard) I come here for things I don't have in my other life. Anonymity somehow coupled with fame, the kind of affectionate back and forth that seems only to happen in old movies. Of course, the time delay is a pain, but you'd be surprised at how quick some of these women are- like something out of Mamet or Howard Hawks. And, since we don't even know where the others live, it is absolutely safe...
At first, I set out to create a character who was nothing like me. He was going to be an exercise in writing, a kind of Method for the page, but pretty soon, he started having opinions and stories that were all mine. I kept some things separate. I never posted a picture of myself alone and I would only refer indirectly to other identities, but things just kept coming out.
Of course, now, I recognize that I was still filtering a lot. No politics, ever, not much about my own religious beliefs, and that may be tricky when I hook up at the Homecoming Picnic.
The J Peterman Homecoming picnic. Who would have imagined such a thing? And now, after what, eight months of team building, I am going to be hoisting actual cold ones with my curmudgeonly pals, including quite possibly, JP himself.
It would have been nice if things had turned out better with ____, but there is still some hope. I think we will always love each other, but we are going to have to get past a few things first. And that means I can go to the picnic with a clear conscience. Will DelEYEtful be as spunky as she seems? How big is DelEYEla's backside in real life? Will they think my accent is funny?
I am telling you now. I will not wear a special Peterman wardrobe. Sure, when I decide which khakis to pack, I will probably end up with the JPs and I will carry the navy blazer, but I am just a guy who posts to his blog, not his spokesmodel... Let's see what today's topic is.
Hmmm. Shakespeare in Love. I saw the movie, but don't remember it. Oh, wait Shakespeare ON love. This should be good. Might want to get in early with Shall I compare thee to a summer's day before one of the other guys thinks of it.
There was this kid who had lived in the east for a long time with his father, then he moved to Houston where his mother was. They were walking down the street and he saw a cowboy- a real ranch hand, walking bowlegged down the street. LOOK AT THAT BOWLEGGED BASTARD he hollered and his mother jerked him up and said "Don't you talk that way. You might have talked that way around your father, but I am not going to put up with it." Pretty soon, here comes another cowboy and the kid just can't help it. LOOK AT THAT BOWLEGGED SOB. And the mother jerks him up again.
Right then she decides what she is going to do. She locks him away in a room with nothing to look at or read by Shakespeare's works and she tells him he can't come out until he is ready to speak properly and respectfully.
Three weeks later, he comes out and indicates that he will behave. They head downtown and sure enough, here comes another cowpoke, legs curved around an imaginary barrel. She watches the kid and he twitches a little. Here comes another one. "What's the matter, cat got your tongue?" And you can tell he wants to say something, but he's afraid of being locked back up. Finally, here come two more cowboys and he can't take it any longer.
He turns to mama and asks "What ho, what manner of men be these, who walk with their balls in parentheses?"
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(Willie) I figure there are three spheres for each character- real life, the character's thoughts as expressed in his/her head, and the character's posts. As much as possible, the person sitting there typing or pondering should dissolve into the person doing the things they describe- unless the description doesn't match reality, in which case what? A voice over? A subtitle?
ReplyDeleteBut when we describe, say a fictional meeting between two posters, the meeting should take place visually.
Like those "Didn't I see you in a train station in Belfast?" posts, or "Wouldn't it be nice to go to Glasgow" which turns into a bar scene in a Glasgow bar ( surprised you there, didn't I) and all of the people at the bar are the characters, though the one posting character doesn't recognize the others- or they may be altered, idealized versions- sort of Same Play, Different Cast.
And for at least one character, all postings are a kind of "I dreamed of my maidenform bra" in which (probably HER) ideas of the other posters are participants- kind of like when James Brolin plays Pee Wee Herman...
And there could be one character-poster who never really has conversations, he just quotes lines from movies, or just cites titles of books. That poster could turn out to be a computer program, kind of like the pop up ads- Every seven or eight postings, it selects one of a list of a few thousand books and cites it in apparent response to the conversation.
( Willie, talking and can't shut up...)How is this for a little structure on which to build? We come up with a dozen Eye topics and then our characters post to those topics. Maybe a dozen is too many. Maybe it is only five or seven.
ReplyDeleteSomebody has to start the movie. Think of Tom Cruise in Risky Business "Every night I have the same dream." Or Rebecca- "Last night I dreamed of Manderley"
One character starts the story- She gets up, she brushes her teeth, she posts. She IMs or emails or calls her pal, or she tells her co-worker who stops by her desk all about the Eye. (Ye olde expository scene) and then the two of them look at the Eye for today and see what is what. And the postings might be read aloud in the voices of the posters.
And then, as my learned colleague said a couple of weeks ago, DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE...
or, like they say in the Ape Girl tent show,
BACK BACK BACK INTO TIME.
Or maybe the reason for the discussion is that the Main Character ( a perky lass named Jen or Olivia or Pam) has to explain where she is going next week. And woo woo woo, there she goes, telling the story from the beginning, such as it is.
Meanwhile, in a wifi cafe on the other coast, Coyotemike is warming up his keyboard. Their foci ( how's THAT for a cute one) converge on the Eye, where some random dude is telling everybody about the night the hogs ate Willie.
Maybe that day's theme is CAMPFIRE TALES. Coyote makes use of the specially resurrected private message and asks Pam "What do you really think of this guy" or something. And a little bonding occurs.
And the mechanized poster simply says THE CALL OF THE WILD
And our girl mentions food. And another poster mentions food, or a favorite JP outfit she wore last night to eat some really good food ( but neglects to mention how some of that food landed on her JP outfit when she threw up).
And somebody DOES spew coffee onto the monitor.
And Peterman posts the original invitation to the Homecoming Picnic.
And Olivia posts one of her naughty fantasies.
And the mechanized poster says THE NAKED APE.
And another poster says "I can't tell you how I know this, but the author of The Naked Ape was a Rosicrucian."
And nobody much cares.
And one of the other characters is revealed in his real life.
There should probably be two comical characters, two characters who might become the romantic leads, and two who are buddy types. If CGI(?) is cheap or otherwise available, there can be tiny Olivias talking on Jen's shoulder, or a Tiny Pam saying "Might better edit that part out" when she lets her irritation with the Rosicrucian get the better of her.
SO, what if each of us writes a scene that will serve to introduce his character. To avoid confusion, some of them have to be obviously from far away and at least two of them should be from the same general area. As in a porn movie, there should be fairly easy superficial differences to aid the viewer in keeping them straight- the Older guy, the chick with the glasses, etc. Voices will help there.
And then the minor characters, the Omniscient Book Title Guy and the misunderstood person who just wants everyone to share her joy at being a Rosicrucian, the assorted lesser lights, they just pop in as text and voices most of the time.
And, because we need conflict, somebody will die and , because nobody knows them outside of the Eye, nobody will know, until it is somehow revealed- maybe at the Picnic, someone will read a little letter, or a posting. Or maybe that will come sooner and people will speculate as to whether it really happened that way, or the poster just faked the whole thing... Blah Blah Blah, eh?
You can kill me off, I don't mind.
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