How I got to this funeral

1) My pal____ called me and we decided to make a road trip
2) I just sold a short story and it reminded me of Katz.
3) I found a diamond ring in my parking lot at work and the owner was so overjoyed they gave me a thousand bucks.
4) I cashed in my frequent flyer miles
5) I called the trustee and asked him to send me an extra $5000 this week.
6) I sold my screenplay
7) I sold my blood
8) I sold my grandmother's wheelchair
9) I LIVE here.
10) He is my distant cousin.
11) I won $500 on powerball
12) I got fired from work, but they gave me three months salary.
13) My loving spouse gave me the money and insisted that I come
14) I broke up with my sweetheart and needed a lift.
15) I am hoping to hook up with a rich person and slowly bleed them dry
16) I am hoping to acquire the deceased's computer, since he has JPGs of me naked.
17) What business is that of yours?
18) I am hoping to acquire the deceased's computer, because he promised to send me the JPGs he has of this woman we both know and he never sent them.
19) No lie, I bought this chest of drawers and taped to the bottom of one of the drawers was an envelope full of money. Confederate money.
20) I had this gold coin that my ex gave me and I thought it was worth like $100 and I took it to a coin place and it turned out to be worth $1000. I hated that guy anyway.
21) I just really really really want to meet Peterman.
22) I got a dividend check in today- my first one ever.
23) I got a ROYALTY check today. My first one ever. OK, it was only $17, but I was so excited...
24) I am a part time artist and sold a painting today, or got a commission, or finally got paid for something that sold last year...
25) I got a new credit card in the mail and figured Why Not?